Sweet Catnip Dreams Monday, Sep 8 2014 

We put Polgara to sleep in March. I still look for her dainty form posed in a beam of sunlight on the floor near our back door, or expect to see her in her heated “nest” in the basement.

Even with two other cats in the house, I miss her.

Sweet Catnip Dreams, Polgara…

I. Am. Exhausted. Sunday, Mar 23 2014 

Dear Minions,

I have been Very Tired of late. I Manage to Perform my Catly Duties, such as Supervising my Hoomans and Ignoring other Felines. But most of the Time, I Confess I am Prone to Napping. My Physical Condition remains Painful but I do not Complain. I am not like certain Odoriferous Male Felines who Prowl and Caterwaul like OutCats.

I am not an OutCat. I am the Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Recently I deigned to watch a Cinematographic Feature about a Princess and Her Diary with my Hoomans. I approve of said Video. The Queen was concerned about Teaching Proper Deportment and Dress. It is unfortunately True that certain Felines do not Know How To Act with Proper Catly Deportment. While they are not Royalty, they do not need to Act Like Hoodlums and Scare This Royal Personage. Said Hoodlum Feline insists on being An Annoyance.

Ah well. I did not mean to be Wearisome to you. My Ennui must be catching up to me.

Tomorrow I am told we must go to the Shoppe of Horrors. I am having Problems with Perambulation. And my Joints are beginning to suddenly Give Way. It appears that my Elder Status has finally Done Me In.

I have had a Good Life. I have had Scritches and Laps and Cat Cookies. I have had Good Hoomans who Recognize the Nature of my Status and Treat me accordingly.


If I do not Write again, please know, Fair Reader, that I remain
Ever Your Servant and
The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Purrs and kisses and scritches.

Trying Tymes Thursday, Jan 23 2014 

Dear Readers;

My indisposition continues. Now I am found to have a Lump on my Shoulder. It is Uncomfortable and I find it Difficult to Rest. I find it even more difficult to Rest when said Odoriferous Male Feline insists on Sitting on my Couch.


I do not Appreciate said Infraction, but because of my General Age and Deportment, I Suffer his Presence. I shall Speak to my Humans but I do not Anticipate a Prompt Resolution.

The Lump on my Shoulder required yet another Visit to the Shopp of Horrors. Dr. Dog was kind but I have been told said Lump will lead to my Early Demise. Such are the Trying Times I live under.

It is Time for a Rest. I will ask my Human to update more frequently.

Indelicate moments Sunday, Oct 13 2013 

Dear readers,
I have not been feeling as well as I should. It appears that I have some kind of malfunction in my nether regions. I was taken to the Shoppe of Horrors and put on a special diet.

I do. Not. Like. It.

I have attempted to explain this, but the Hoomans are apparently unable to understand. At least they occasionally put tuna on top to make it palatable. Barely.

In the mean time, I shall ignore the “bed” that was placed on my chosen sleeping quarters. I want to be closer for proper scritches.


I will write if I so choose. Thursday, Jul 11 2013 

Apparently, the Alpha Female has made derogatory remarks about my not penning new missives lately.

Well. I will write if I so choose.

And, as of this moment, I choose not.

With disdain, I remain,

The Duchess Who Outranks EVERYONE.
Including grumpy Alpha Females.

Indisposed Thursday, Feb 21 2013 

I fear I have not brought Proper Notification to you, Gentle Readers, about my Present Condition. It seems that some of my Infirmities are causing Unfortunate (ahem) Accidents. I have been Tended to Properly by my Staff, and I have all the Special Treats I want.

However, I have been Informed that I shall have to Visit The Shoppe of Horrors and this Distresses me Most Greatly. For the moment, I am Contemplating Places to Hide, but I have not been able to Leave my Regular Domicile.

For the moment, I remain Slightly Indisposed, but have not Abdicated my Throne nor my Rule of the House.

As for Odoriferous Male Felines, I do not Wish to See them, Smell them, or Hear them.

You have all been Informed.


The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone

A Treatise on Treats Wednesday, Sep 21 2011 

Dear Snack Server;

You seemed to be confused as to what Treats are Appropriate for my Delicate Constitution. These include:

  • sliced tuna or salmon
  • Greenies

They do not include:

  • “Hairball Remedy” treats

Please make a Note of it.

Most Sincerely,

The Duchess who Outranks Everyone

P.S. Please do NOT allow the Odiferous Male Feline to eat from my Snack Bowl. That is All.

Unacceptable Friday, Sep 16 2011 

Loyal Subjects:

I am Grievously Annoyed. ANNOYED, I tell you. For insomuch as I rarely Raise My Voice, I have come to a Moment of Extreme Trauma.

Someone brought a REPTILE into my Domain last evening. Said Reptile was given Rodent Snacks, the perfume of which I greatly approve. Then said Someone forgot and left said Reptile loose in his Feeding Box. Had I not alerted Alpha Female to its slithering Presence, it is Unknown where it might be Right Now.

I have Refrained from leaving a Bezoar to give a Needed Reprove to Someone. However, I shall be Forced to do so if said Someone does not Improve.

Most Righteously Annoyed,

I Remain,


The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone, but most Particularly, Reptiles!

The Royal Throne Sunday, Sep 4 2011 

I am pleased. My Royal Throne has been refurbished.


Alpha Male chose wisely. It is delightfully Warm. It has a removable Pad when I have need of it being Cleansed. And don’t you think my Royal Mink looks lovely with it as well?

Now Everyone has left so I can enjoy my Evening Repose. I bid you a Fond Good Evening.



Her Grace

The Duchess Who Outranks Everyone.

Hemmm Hemmm Monday, Aug 22 2011 

It has come to my Attention that one of my Most Trusted Servants and Skilled Ear Scritchers, String Plucker, is packing. Packing! This is Abomindable. And must Cease.

According to the Alpha Female, said Servant is returning to College, where she shall be reading Many Books and writing Wise Papers. It seems to me, with all of my Understanding of Deep Intellectual Pursuits, that these Tasks could be completed in this Domicile. Not in said College.

I have made my Feelings known (at great length!) to Alpha Male and Alpha Female and they choose to Ignore me. I left Bezoars in the middle of the Floor. My Objections were Ignored.

I am not able to Supervise as would be My Preference due to the continued and unnecessary Annoyances of the Odoriferous Male Feline. However, I have Perused the Packing Rooms and have left deposits of my Silky Fur so that I will be Remembered.

I am Distressed.



The Duchess who Outranks Everyone.

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